Officially one of our greatest finds for 2021- a book that has changed our outlook, made us reflect on our view on life and how we relate to ourselves. Wow! From the minute we flipped the first page we were hooked. The book, entitled My Dear Little Daughter is written by the saltiest relationship coach our timeline has ever been blessed to have, Kochi Rolland. Read on as we reflect on the book and pick Rolland’s mind on what inspired his journey in writing this love letter to women.
As we gushingly mentioned My Dear Little Daughter is a love letter to women. A guide through life and it’s various twists and turns. Rolland manages to encapsulate sound advice and biblical direction without sounding like a patronising bible basher.(Yes, we said it. Don’t patronise us please church elders!)
The tone of the book is really a loving parent opening their daughter’s eyes to life’s various hurdles and how you can use the bible as an effective tool to deal with those. And yes it may seem irrelevant given how the microwave generation views the bible as outdated but it’s actually the opposite. The bible is the main guide to this book and that makes it perfect for any Christian regardless of gender or age.
Take this extract for example. “Do not be fooled; if you are not confident in yourself and the power of your abilities, it’s impossible to exude confidence.”
A cross generational fact that we sometimes forget due to life’s drudgery. But the world cannot respect you if you don’t respect yourself. And we are definitely all about that.
Another noteworthy takeout from the book: Creating boundaries. A lot of us struggle with this almost on a daily basis, because no-one really ever talks about how important boundaries are for everyone. But as Rolland rightly highlights, boundaries are there to define you and protect you; protect you from undesirable people and allow all the right ones to get close to you. He also speaks about how we live in a society which has socialized women and girls to always put everyone’s needs above theirs. That makes it rather difficult for one to set parameters that are not to be crossed, because saying no will leave you weighed down with guilt. Admittedly we have allowed ourselves to overlook boundaries and let someone cross the line, and it never ends well. There’s a statement in the book that says, “Pay attention to what angers you, that is your boundary being breached “ A helpful guide in case you have no idea HOW to set boundaries or WHEN.
Because we simply had to,we sat down and had a chat with the man himself, Kochi Rolland and here is what he had to say.
My name is Rolland Berehr. I was born on the 14th of March 1991. Born and bred in Chitungwiza. I am a Christian, a father to a handsome-charming baby boy. I am a Relationship Coach and an Author. I am currently staying in Cape Town. (Honestly this question ka! Ayas.)
I got inspired to write this book after realising that a lot of young girls are growing up without a positive and inspirational father figure around.
I have been around young women long enough to understand that some of the bad decisions that they make and some of that lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem that they have is caused by the fact that they grew up without that strong but gentle emotionally available and inspirational father figure around. The world is in dire shortage of positive father figures for the girl child. So after realising all that, I decided to write this book,My Dear Little Daughter, to fill in that gap and also as a gift to young women who need that positive male voice in their life. Through this book, I also want to inspire fathers around the world to be positive father figures to their daughters. I pray that they get hold of this book and learn how to have significant conversations with their daughters about life issues.
No. I do not have a daughter. I am a father to a very handsome boy called Blazio Tinashe Berehr!
This book is for every young woman, especially those who grew up without a positive father figure around. It is a book for every young woman who feels that she needs a positive male voice on day to day life issues. I also wrote this book with the intention of inspiring fathers out there to create healthy relationships with their daughters.
To cut the long story short, I decided to become a relationship coach because I realised that I have got so much to share when it comes to that area. And it comes from a place of wanting other people, especially young people to avoid making the mistakes that I have made in my dating life. I was once a serial player, I broke so many hearts and I also had my fair share of heartbreaks. Finding God helped me to realise how toxic I was to myself and other people especially in the area of dating. And in my walk with God I also felt that He was directing me towards that path of helping others, especially young people to avoid making the mistakes that I made and also to help them with relevant information that they can use to create healthy and fulfilling relationships.
My favourite quote in the book is on Chapter 2 (Be a respectable woman), page 14. It’s a sad reality that most young women don’t realise until they are hurt, damaged or broken, that boundaries are a thing to set. It takes a ‘million’ tears and heartaches, a physical or mental collapse, being taken for granted, or taken advantage of for them to realise the power of the word “NO” and how important it is to set healthy boundaries. I believe that once a person knows how to set healthy boundaries, they have eliminated almost half of their problems. This is why I love this quote so much!
For young girls to strive to become women of substance, who have good morals and values, healthy boundaries and good work ethic. The world is in dire need of such women.”
Through this book, I hope people will come to the realization that a healthy father-daughter relationship is important and many fathers will strive to create one with their daughters. A positive father-daughter relationship has a positive impact on a young girl’s life and for the longest time this is something that is hardly talked about especially in the society that we live in. It is my prayer that through this book, many people will start to have conversations around this issue.
At the moment I have deleted all my books on Amazon for revision and updating. I am also changing the title because I have added more content to it.
(Guess we will have to wait a while to get our hands on copies of the books)
Definitely. I have a new book that I am publishing in August entitled: Dear Devil: Confessions of a Christian Porn Addict! It’s a semi-true story; a story of a Christian young man who got sexually abused when he was a minor. He grew up, gave his life to Christ, but he was hooked on porn and masturbation.The most inspirational thing about this book is that it teaches those who are also struggling with this issue of porn and masturbation how to become victorious over the issue!
By: Nyaradzo Ngoma