Chin Up Girl!!!Surviving Heartbreak: The Self Care Guide

Heartbreak is a risk we take every time we decide to trust someone else with our heart. Human beings are wired to want companionship but sometimes it doesn’t end in wedded bliss or happily ever after. It sometimes ends in tears, but it’s all part of the process of kissing frogs until you’ve found your prince/princess charming. However, even as you’re going through heartbreak you still need to remember to take care of number one, and that is you. Yes, we know all you want to do wallow in self misery and throw a pity party and rant and rave, but gurrl, self care is ‘importanter’ Especially so as part of the healing process. So chin up, this too shall pass!


Grieve and let go

First things first in the road to healing is to allow yourself to grieve. Rant, rave, cry – it’s allowed and it will help you heal from the pain that comes from heartbreak. Allow yourself to go through the stages of the grieving process. It seems counterproductive but getting that weight off your chest is very important. Let go of all the sadness and pain. Don’t hold on to all the negativity that comes with a break up. Let it go. You don’t necessarily have to literally cry and you can find other outlets like journaling(journaling is very cathartic and is an important aspect of self care). It doesn’t have to be Shakespeare worthy, just write. As you let go of the grief, forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for how you contributed to the break up and the choices you made. Forgive yourself and affirm all the positives about you. You’re beautiful, you’re special and this is just a bump in the road. Allow yourself to get knocked down but remember to get back up!

Hang out with your friends

“Friends are the family you choose.“ — Jess C. Scott

What better way to help yourself get over a heartbreak than to hang out with your squad? The one family that you hand-picked. You know how in the movies, they come together and watch a romantic movie with a tub of ice cream and cry? That is exactly what you need. Call the girls over and have a date.  Girls night out or girls night in, it’s all up to you. It will help you to get affection from people who genuinely love and care about you. You can take turns to trash the ex if it will make you feel better, although we don’t encourage that. We’re here for positive vibes only! You need a confidence boost after the knock from the breakup and hanging out with your friends will help you realize who your ride or die is. You don’t necessarily have to meet physically. If you can’t meet in person, a phone call will do the trick. Someone once said, “A friend who understands your tears is much more valuable than a lot of friends who only know your smile.”  At least with your friends you don’t have to worry about looking pretty, they’ll still love you even with the ratty old pantyhose hair bonnet

Do what you enjoy

Not all heartbreak has to lead to self destructive behaviour. Adele and Sam Smith are examples of celebrities who channelled their emotions into something they enjoyed doing after getting their hearts broken. Adele’s debut album ‘21’ and Sam Smith’s album ‘In the Lonely Hour’ were both inspired by pain. Now we’re not saying we will all become award winning artists after we’ve been hurt, we’re just saying do what you enjoy. The pain of rejection will likely feel better once you immerse yourself in your favourite activities. It might not seem helpful at the time as you’ll be dealing with a myriad of emotions but try it. Nolwandle says after she got her heart broken she went on a shopping spree and also indulged in good food and books. Yes girl! We agree with her on the retail therapy and nothing beats the feeling of immersing yourself in a good book, forgetting anything and everything around you. Bake a complicated cake, try a new recipe, do you girl! Remember to do something you enjoy, no matter how insignificant it seems. As long as it will help you ease the pain go ahead and do it!

Get a new hobby

What better time to try our a new activity than when you’re just recovering from a heartbreak. Most people in relationships lose sight of their identity and become synced with their partner. After the break up you can help fight the sense of loss by trying out new things. Start walking or jogging…knitting even. Any hobby that you’ve been putting on the back burner. After a terrible heartbreak you will have more time on your hands to try it out and who knows it might just become your new favourite activity.

Do a social media cleanse

This can be in two ways; you can either stop being on social media for a while or you can unfriend your ex for a while. Social media can cause anxiety and some serious FOMO and when you’re already in pain you don’t want to add to that. So you can delete the photos of you together and quit scrolling the TL for a while. Just until your emotions are in check and seeing his pictures won’t trigger you. Unfriending also might avoid any petty comments or fights that can lead to regrets later. Give yourself time to heal,  until you are ready to face the barrage of social media.

Listen to music

This is a timeless classic for dealing with pain. Actually, life in general. Music transports you to an entirely different place. You can decide to go the Adele or Sam Smith route, they’ve got excellent heartbreak music. Or you can go upbeat and turn up the heat!

Always remember that no matter what you are going through you are important and you are special. One heartbreak does not define you. Forget about whoever the cause of the heartbreak is and focus on you. Give yourself time to heal and pick up the pieces. You can rise above this stronger and ready to conquer the world again.


By:Nyaradzo Ngoma

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