“I am committed to you, I am going to learn how to love you.” Shannon Kaiser
There can be no self care without self love. We cannot fully grasp how best to take care of ourselves if we don’t know how to love ourselves. Now, we can all admit that when we look in the mirror, more often than not, the first thing we see is our faults. When you have a mental rundown of who and where you are, your first (and often longest) stop is usually at “ but I failed this” or “I should have done this.” It’s always so easy to self harm and not acknowledge the light and love within us. We decided to read The Self Love Experiment by Shannon Kaiser to learn how to fall in love with ourselves; warts and all. The following are some of our favorite lessons learned from The Self Love Experiment by Shannon Kaiser..
One of the first steps we need to take in order to be more mindful of ourselves and to take better care of ourselves is acceptance. Learning to accept who we are, and what we are will go a long way. We’re all on a journey and most times life has us feeling like we’re lagging behind. But you need to understand that this is not a one destination trip and where you are today is one stop on a very long journey. Just because you’re not where you think you should be doesn’t mean you won’t get to where you want to go. Be kind to yourself; nothing in life comes in a straight line and there are a lot of highs and lows, a truth that applies to all of us.
One of the many points that resonated in The Self Love Experiment is, “To get what you want you have to let go of what you don’t want.” And the key thing we do not want or need in the path to complete self care? Negativity! You also don’t want to be in a toxic environment, whether it’s family, friends or in your workspace. That means detaching yourself from people and environments that no longer serve you. Easy on paper but we all know how difficult the execution on this often is. Self evaluation is key.
Kaiser encourages us to strive daily to be better versions of ourselves. Everyday gives us a new chance to do better and be better. We need to stop focusing on how we look and start focusing more on how we feel. If you look like a million dollars and feel like trash it defeats the purpose. We’re not saying you shouldn’t care how you look but always remember to focus on whats really important; feeling good about yourself. If you learn to take care of yourself and to love yourself your experiences with the world will also become more positive.
What you get is what you are busy focusing on, so fill your mind with positivity and positivity will come your way. Easier said than done, but the process of learning new habits and unlearning the old ones will be worth it. Ultimately your dreams are a manifestation of what you want in your life. Pay heed to them. Did someone just say vision board?
Self love principle number 12 focuses on how our relationship with ourselves sets the tone for everything in our lives. Which is true, if you’re emitting negative vibes, you will probably perceive negative vibes around you. We will admit that all these positive mantras sometimes ( most times) don’t seem to work but that is likely because you don’t believe them when you say them anyway. What needs to be fixed first is your relationship with you. Forgive yourself and unlearn certain behaviours that have been detrimental to your self love journey. Always remember that you are a gift, and you are blessed to have the gift of life. If there is anything the pandemic has made us appreciate more, it’s the fragility of life. We need to learn to take and appreciate each day as it comes.
Lastly, principle 15 teaches us that self love is not about how you look or what you do; it is mainly about how you live. If we stopped trying to fit in and trying to mould ourselves to fit into round holes when we’re square pegs, we would be happier. The more in tune with yourself you become the happier you will be too. Appreciate the small milestones towards the bigger goal. Forgive and unburden yourself. You’re not superwoman (although you’re damn well close) and you can’t carry the weight of everything on your shoulders. Shake it off.
You will notice that this was not your typical self care article as it focused more on inner self care and not the physical manifestation of self care that we always hear and talk about. We choose to start this journey from within. Mental self care is just as important as physical self care. You are a limited edition and we would love to have you around for a long time to come. Take care of yourself!
Get a copy of Shannon Kaiser’s life changing “Lessons Learned from the Self Love Experiment”
By: Nyaradzo Ngoma