Suicide: Thoughts

August 29, 2017

My heart goes out to every person who has ever contemplated suicide. I may never understand your situation or what could have possibly gone wrong that made you   want to take your own life and I may never meet with you for you to help me understand but I want you to know that I am sorry that this life that was meant to be heaven on earth became hell burning away all the beauty around you till it all became ashes, grey colours, butterflies you once let rest on your arm turned to bees with an everlasting sting. I am sorry no one cared or understood what you were going through.

Sometimes we get so caught up in our own worlds such that we can not give a care about other people

sometimes we get so consumed in our own happiness we forget about the other people who are sad,             lonely, broken and hurting.

sometimes we see you hurting but don’t know what to say,

sometimes we are afraid we will not understand,

sometimes we are afraid you will pull us down with you,

sometimes we are not sure we will say something that you will not find silly,

sometimes we are also hurting, maybe what you are going through I am also going                                            through but I just found a steady rock to lean on, so how can I help you when I also need                                 help?

sometimes we are just plain evil and cruel

sometimes there is just no excuse for our behaviour

I apologize on behalf of these people because times I am also selfish, I forget that God looked down to find me and yet I look down on other people not to give them a hand up with a smile but to just turn my face away with a frown.

I am sorry that in the midst of all that you were going through you somehow ended up blaming God for every wrong thing in your life and instead of giving him your heart to mend and raised your hands for him to lift you, you gave him your back.

I am sorry we did not believe you but thought you were just trying to be an attention seeker.

I hurt mostly because you felt alone in a world full of people.

My heart goes out to every person who has lost someone because they committed suicide.

I am sorry you lost your loved one in an unexpected way, I am sorry that life got so hard for them to bear and they just wanted to fill the void and fly away.

I am sorry they didn’t say goodbye, that this life was hard for them, just know they were not weak they were too good for this world, maybe what they say is true,   the beautiful ones are really dead.

I am sorry that the note they left still does not answer the question why and even more that the note they didn’t leave makes you want to rip out your heart and give it to them so they can at least engrave an “I love you, forgive me”  on it so that every time you run your fingertips through them, they calm all thoughts and questions in your head.

It’s sad that no one can tell you why, I wish I had the answer then it would maybe dry your tears but I ask if they had told you the real reason why would you have been able to bear it, would you have been strong enough to convince them not to yet knowing in your deepest heart of hearts that had it been you in their position, hell you might have done it sooner.

We might say they had their whole lives ahead of them,but that is now just in the past now. I am sorry you think their actions are the ultimate definition of selfish I agree there is nothing more selfish than the person who leaves you when you still needed them and wanted then to be alive but hey they held on long enough making you happy and they thought letting go would make them happy at least.

I am sorry they played God over their lives and my heart is hurting for you because I understand what it feels like to lose a loved one, to see their body being taken 6 feet under and knowing that this is the last time on this earth you will see them.

No one prepares you for the pain,

the torment,

the way your feel like someone is ripping your heart apart every time you think about them,

the memories,

the joys,

the laughter

but I want you to know God will help you through it. You will feel like time does not heal the wounds,  you will feel like the pain will never end, I don’t know if it does, I think it does when we get to Heavens and see our loved ones again, until then rest in God find your happiness and joy in Him and in helping others see the light.



Mostly my heart goes out to those who committed suicide, I know they will never read this but well, I am sorry, I am sorry about a lot of things,

I am sorry the world is cruel, selfish and can be like the devil in our midst.

I am sorry I shut my eyes to your pain,

I am so sorry that it’s too late to apologize because you are now a memory

but I am mostly sorry I never got to hug you and tell you that Jesus loves and cares and that I love you and am here for you, hold on just a little longer you are almost there.

I am sorry that your life slipped like water through my fingertips in my very own eyes. This has been a sharp and rude awakening for me and its sad that it was through you.


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