Your girlfriend says, “I love you but you don’t show me love”. Your boyfriend says, ” you don’t want us to take this relationship to the next level because you don’t love me”. Your parents say, “please let this dancing thing go, it’s not a career; do it for us”. All you hear is do this for me. Just this once. Show me love. You are the only one who can. Don’t do this because of nhingi. All you hear from people is them asking you to spare their feelings. You feel crushed but you still do right by your loved ones.
Feelings of emptiness, despair and self-pity cloud you as you reminisce about your life. You feel like you are stuck in the mud because you do not want to disappoint your brother who has been taking care of you since your parents died. Or your gran who has always acted like your mother because your mother has always been too busy to take care of you. Or your friend who has stuck closer than most of your relatives.
But you are unhappy because all you want is to soar in the sky and live your life differently. But because you feel like you owe those close to you your life and happiness, you feel like your happiness would be your grandmother’s death warrant. Or your happiness would be the end of you. You are constantly negotiating with your happiness and your decisions. You feel trapped. You feel like your road to progression is null and void as the dust clouds your eyes and you see your future as a mirage. Because all you hear is what people want you to do about your life for them.
Maybe they have been on the same road and they don’t want you to make the same mistakes. Maybe they want the best for you and that’s how they know to show their love to you. Maybe you are the only who can achieve that in your family. Or maybe they want to live their lives through you. Or it’s simply because of the environment we are living in. But one must not lose their happiness. One should find a way to find their happiness and draw the close ones closer. One should also make sure that they are not emotionally blackmailed by close ones by simple communicating and addressing their dreams, goals and aspirations amicably. Happiness is the key but one’s happiness should not make one a victim. One’s happiness should not be selfish. One’s happiness should be pure.