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Other articles by Sithandekile Nyoni

Sithandekile Nyoni

The Friend-Zone: Not that one, the other one!

So the other friend zone has a very important bearing on our relationships. The friend zone where your friends meddle in your relationship and you let them. We highlight where you can draw the line for the girls in your relationship. After all he is your man not your (your friends and you) man! By: Sithandekile Nyoni

Sharing and Overshare. Spot the Difference

In case no one has told you before; there is a clear line between sharing and oversharing. Sharing is when you tell the girls little things like how he brought you a surprise chocolate hamper and how the look in his eyes when he looks at you keeps you awake at night or how you don’t understand why the scar on his forehead is a total turn on for you. Sharing is when you messed up last night and you don’t know what to do and you have to consult your Personal Life Advisors also known as your besties on whether you should let him watch soccer tonight or if you should buy lingerie to patch things up.  Oversharing is when bae is having major personal drama, trusts you with it and you decide to trust your friends with it too. It’s also when you post bae’s nudes in the Best Friends Forever Whatsapp group!

Ok – so now that we have clearly defined terms, let’s get on with it!

Who to tell?

Who to tell is a crucial element of the difference between sharing and oversharing. Co-workers, drinking partners and classmates are first degree information recipients. All they need to know is that you are seeing someone in case they are secretly lusting over you. It is not necessary that they know the who, where, when, what and how. That must never be on the agenda of your conversations. When they do fish for information, just smile and wave – unless you wish to be on the agenda of the next gossip session that is.

Your foursome of friends are your second degree recipients. Unless they are all under the exclusive term, best friend, they do not necessarily need to know everything about your man, what you get up to and whatever issues you guys face. The same applies to family unless they are closer than close.

Now comes the BFF. Naturally, your best friend is always in the loop of what happens between you and partner. However, let’s look at your relationship as a diary. There are pages that your bestie knows and needs to know but then there is that one page that is too close to home to share with anyone. You and your partner probably have intimate details and things that no one should ever know. Keep it that way. No one needs to know.

Hey Shot Caller!

Who calls the shots in your relationship should be between you and your man. Never your friends. If you are comfortable with your friends making decisions for you in other aspects of your life, that’s fine. But if you want a healthy relationship with your man, then your besty should be your advisor but never the decision maker. You owe your man that much. After all, he is dating you and not your friends. Neither did he sign up for a threesome and what not. The same goes for dates. A threesome may be ideal for a couple of dates or when he walks you home from school or work. But let not our friends become our shadows.


Why this secrecy you may ask

Take relationships as a ride on a motor bike- two is hot, three going on never ends well. The most important reason being- do unto bae as you would want him to do to you. Besides, you all probably know this from experience – but our friends are an unforgiving lot. And if ever bae messes up and you go running to your friends with a blow by blow account of how he did you wrong – chances are they will hold an eternal grudge against him long after you and bae have kissed and made up! Do you really want to live with that?  At the end of the day, Divas, there is a line. And you are the one to draw it for the sake of your relationships, your friendships and your happiness.

 


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