In the animal kingdom, there is nothing as fascinating as when two human beings get together in an act of intimacy. Hollywood has wonderfully painted it as a clean, quick and straightforward act, where bodies and parts all come in one size and pretty much act the same. However, we all know that people DO NOT come in a generic size, and that quite a large chunk of us—no pun intended—do not fit the typical size and shape mould. Clearly, this one is for the thick ladies! By: Staff Writer
In bed with the enemy?
Ideally you should be intimate with someone who you’re comfortable with, who actually likes you and sees beyond your rolls. In other words someone who isn’t a jerk. No one wants to be a bar joke. We can see them now: “Yo one time I was with this fat chick…” Insert your own ending here. These are not the fellas you should be doing ANYTHING with. When you’re both plus size, it makes for even more of an interesting act. You need to have a serious conversation about logistics and stamina, and be very real about each of your concerns. Also, erase any pre-conceived notions you may have, especially those planted by the media because, in real life, it gets REAL. We’ve highlighted a few concerns and tricks below:
You will NOT crush a man to death. You are not an industrial vehicle. And if he does holler for help, adjust and continue. We all know the act is not as clean cut as movies make it out to be. Many will not admit to it but they have fallen off the bed or knocked their partner in the face or come across sights, sounds and smells that are quite shocking. It’s all part of the game. Be present! Be confident with the body you have at that moment, knowing full well the pleasure it can give!
- Check your esteem
Be very honest with yourself as to why you’re having sex with this person in the first place. If you’re in a loving, committed partnership or marriage, you seldom have to worry about your partner’s motive. But more often than not if you’re a larger woman, self-esteem issues lead to poor lover choices. There are those jerks we mentioned before—say NO. Men with a fat fetish aren’t an option either because their motive for targeting a particular shape of women often has unhealthy reasons. Bottom line, do it with someone who values ALL of you.
- Self care
We know the stereotypes about fat women; they sweat, they smell etc. Don’t live down into those. Because there is more of you, you deserve more care. Put in more effort so that the haters don’t have material. A pertinent example here is ‘Chub Rub’: dark inner thigh pigmentation because of friction. It can be unsightly and make you feel terrible. Make sure you exfoliate the area once a week; a good scrub can be lemon juice and brown sugar or honey. When you can, wear tights and keep the skin there moisturised to lesson friction. Make the effort.
Studies have shown that because of oestrogen levels, the chubbier you are the greater the chances your nether regions might get a bit on that Sahara swag. We say find a solution in some water-based lubricant. Vaseline and Baby Oil and whatever else you’re using doesn’t count. If you don’t want to attract attention getting the fancy ones in coloured bottles, get the medical type. Clear, odourless and unobtrusive; go for an old favourite like KY Gel.
Granted it won’t stay on for too long but, if it looks tight and fits right, it can make you feel a whole lot better, and make Mr. Man forget all about your body hiccups. There are some great fashions out there that ‘hold everything together’. Again, it’s about fit.
If done right, it can be better than the actual act. When you’re both so overcome with desire that kissing elbows is sexy then you know whatever comes after will be epic. By the end of it neither of you will care about the other’s body shape. Instead, you’ll be all NIKE with it (#JustDoIt)
- Patience and Practice
If you’re not from one of those cultures where sexual movements are taught, then you may be a little stiff. As much as some men make it seem that way, no one is born just knowing how to move during sex. Now, it can be tricky, especially if you carry extra weight. Face it, some of the fat will have to be literally lifted out the way. Don’t be afraid to lift what you have to lift. This is where the confidence factor comes in. You don’t even need him around to practice. Alone, you can learn to move the hips around, and pop the booty. Stand on tip toes, squat down and move round. It may feel strange if your joints are not used to it, but that’s the thing about the human body—it only works by working. Don’t try to move your whole mass, especially if you are on top. What we mean is, think of your body as parts of a whole, different sections move… especially the waist area. Sometimes it’s not about your size, it’s about how you manoeuvre.
Sex should never make you miserable. It should be enjoyable for you and your partner, regardless of your size, otherwise, what’s the point?